But everything exposed by the Light becomes visible ~ and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.
~Ephesians 5:13
Were you ever afraid of the dark when you were growing up? I was. I can remember looking at the patterns in the wood grain of my closet door and “seeing” all kinds of scary images. I would pull my covers all the way up to my chin ~ and sometimes over my head. Darkness has a way of doing that ~ whispering to our souls to run and hide. But Light brings clarity to our minds and spirits ~ exposing secrets, illuminating sin, and over time, bringing wholeness.
Secrets grow weeds in our relationships. Emotional affairs, porn addiction, sexual infidelity ~ all leave a trail of betrayal, anguish, and devastation. When we bring these secrets into the light we begin to recover and, after time, learn to thrive again.
So what can we do when a secret makes its way into the light?
- Pray. Tell our Heavenly Father all that is on our heart.
- Process our pain. Share our hurt with a trusted friend or counselor.
- Grieve our loss ~ the loss of what we assumed to be true about our relationship.
- Educate ourselves about the secret. What happened, why did it happen, and what are the next steps?
- Self-care ~ what can we do to de-stress, offer ourselves compassion, and flip our thoughts?
- Set healthy boundaries for ourselves and others.
- Address the weaknesses in our relationship.
- Acknowledge and Affirm the strengths of our relationship.
- Begin Trust-Restoring exercises with guidance from our counselor.
- Meditate on Forgiveness.
- Determine if Forgiveness can lead to Reconciliation or if the relationship will end.
- Strategize how to improve communication and conflict resolution skills if Reconciliation is possible.
- Nurture our friendship with our spouse. A deep level of friendship with and fondness/admiration for our partner sustains the relationship.
A word of caution ~ cultivating these strategies is not a linear step-by-step process. Some days it will feel like two steps forward, three steps back. Exposing our secrets to the Light of Christ is hard work and time-consuming. But when we pull the weeds and begin to see that tiny shoot of Hope, we can keep moving forward.
Secrets ~ illuminate them.